Selfies Through the Ages

The other night I had a dream that I put on an exhibition called “Selfies Through the Ages”. At first I thought that I’d probably spent a bit too much with my iPhone surgically attached to my hand to be letting it slip into my subconscious so often (I often wake up panicked in the night cos I’ve dreamt I smashed the screen), but then I thought that would be a really great exhibition. Seeing as I’m swimming deep into my overdraft right now and can’t remember the last time I ate meat, putting one on isn’t really feasible, so using the skills taught to me on my Contemporary Art History degree, I’ve put together a hypothetical exhibition. 

 1. Jan Van Eyck – Portrait Of Man 

 This little number is thought to be the first ever Self Portrait that is still in existence. Pretty cool right? Painted in 1433, I present to you the very first Selfie. Van Eyck is literally the route of your late night pout sessions in a toilet cubicle. I’m sure he didn’t quite envision that this would be the path to capturing the essence of an artist, but he is definitely rocking the stern eyes, side profile, outlandish headwear and fur coat combo that can be found on any Scouse prinnys photo stream. 

 2. Raphael – Portrait of Raphael 

 In the Renaissance, selfies were all the rage. This Master shows of his prowess with a fresh faced look, slightly groomed, which would fall into the #nofilter & #nomakeup range of morning shots on Instagram. Self portraits showed that you were wealthy and interesting you see, kind of like how they show now that you can make yourself look good with the right angle and the right phone, and every microblogger thinks they’re interesting. Every human does. Narcissism runs deep but so many are afraid to admit their self love. Stop self deprecating via the hashtag, the Medicis had no shame in a nice photo, and so should you. 

 3. Rembrandt – The Prodigal Son in the Tavern 

 Rembrandts selfie from the 17th century depicts him and his wife Saskia having a great time. Any respected “selfie taker” should know that in order to side step your vanity complex and make sure people don’t think you’re that obsessed with yourself that you have to a few pictures with your mates, or ideally your significant other. It shows people that you are loved, and pretty. What a better way to rub in the fact you’re desirable than to have a myspace angle picture of you and your beaux looking inseparable. Rembrandt knew what was up. 

 4. Jean-Baptiste-Simeon Chardin – Self Portrait 

 A true selfie taker knows that every big occasion in your life needs to be marked by a filter photo of your recent success. As Simon Armitage said, the most human of all responses is to gloat, and the iPhone generation makes all that possible instant. What is one of the biggest reasons a human will gloat? They’ve landed a job. Due to us proudly entering our third recession in two years, the gloat isn’t just for you landing your dream job anymore, it is any job. Hence when you search #newjob on Instagram, you are presented live time with a sea of snaps detailing peoples new professions which they on some social media level think “represents them”. From cheap suits to McJob hats, cheap polyester blouses with plastic name tags to improbably high heels, they’re all there screaming “I can pay my rent!”. Chardin spent his life being an artist, so instead of having on his weekend wear for his selfie, showing his personable side, he too was a fan of letting everyone know exactly what he did and how good he was at it, so all his self portraits show him in his studio wear. He didn’t need any gold chains to let the world know he was successful.

 6. Robert Cornelius 

 Can we all have a moment for Robert Cornelius, who in 1839, took the first ever photographed self portrait. What a STUD. This man is the pioneer of sharing your vanity, or in more creative terms, capturing your soul. It is a good job they captured his face because what a face it was, and can you imagine being responsible for the next two hundred years of  self love? Good one Bob. 

 5. Vincent Van Gogh – Self Portrait

Ladies and gentlemen, let me present to you the mother of all Self Portraits, and the inspiration behind this post: Van Gogh. What an artists complex eh? He spent his whole life tackling depression because he was so talented but no one recognised it. He was a very sickly alcoholic who smoked like a chimney and cut off his ear, and died without ever selling a painting. Talk about sad. Obviously as a result he has been romanticised as the epitome of a true artist, with a narcissism issue to boot. Dozens and dozens of self portraits make up Van Goghs repertoire, and I think on a level through his melancholy he kind of digged his look. Recently a Lithuanian artist Tadao Cern unravelled the swirls in Self Portrait 1889 to reveal what he’d look like in the flesh, paint aside, and revealed the great hair, piercing blue eyes, strong jawline and wicked blue blazer Van Gogh was rocking aged 36, 1 year before his death.

 

6. Frida Kahlo – Self Portrait with Thorn Necklace and Hummingbird

 I love Frida Kahlo, always have, always will. She dealt with SO MUCH SHIT, her asshole of a husband Diego Rieviera, getting a bus pole impaled through her body as a teenager, and a life time of health problems associated with that. Yet she still made wicked art work, including a legion of selfless selfies in which she always looks like the powerful and strong despite the sadness that enveloped her from inside. Fourth wave feminism has seen a new rise in respect for Kahlo and she is seen as a pinnacle artist of the feminist movement especially among young girls, which is great because she is such a good role model. If Frida Kahlo was a subsection of the selfie genre, she would 100% be the tumblr girl selfie. Imagine “Self Portrait with Thorn Necklace and Hummingbird” as a photo with a heavily edited background and perhaps the caption “bad bitch”, and it would look completely normal on your dashboard. Especially with those wicked eyebrows, Frida had the definition down way before you guys. 

7. Flickr – Selfies 

The first time a digital selfie was taken is impossible to pin point, but it is thought the phrase kicked off on Flickr in 2005 with a group pool entailed “Selfies”. It started as a bands flickr group and mutated into a group of digital self portraits with the user Keep.It.Up.Darling adding a bunch of photos of herself that fit well into the idea of the Myspace snap shot, which is arguably where the internet took selfies as their own. In July 2009 it found itself defined on Urban Dictionary and it earned its right as a meme. 

8. The Best Selfie Ever Taken 

 The best rated definition of selfie on Urban Dictionary is as follows: 

1.	Selfie
	A picture taken of yourself that is planned to be uploaded to Facebook, Myspace or any other sort of social networking website. You can usually see the person’s arm holding out the camera in which case you can clearly tell that this person does not have any friends to take pictures of them so they resort to Myspace to find internet friends and post pictures of themselves, taken by themselves. A selfie is usually accompanied by a kissy face or the individual looking in a direction that is not towards the camera.

Which just about sums it up nicely. Duck faces aside though, sometimes selfies can be used for good. I present to you, the BEST selfie ever taken, at least in response to the digital age:

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A Heathers generation: Why I have so much more to learn from Veronica Sawyer than any 00’s exports

Nostalgia, especially for eras you weren’t actually born into, or perhaps old enough to remember, has become the cult phenomenon of ‘fashion’ trends in the last few years. It may have always been that case, but as I’ve only been knocking about on this planet for 2 decades so I am not able to vouch past my birth. I like 90’s fashion, I won’t deny it, I think daisy sunflower dresses are great and flannel shirts are lovely and I’ve had my hair in a middle parting for the past 3 years, presumably in some homage to Liv Tyler circa Empire Records, but I think its probably had its day. My mum can’t get to grasp with why something that seems like last year has been polarised into this hyper real fashion statement, and I suppose neither can I, but then you think about the cult of personality that the 90’s has. They had great films, great bands, great fashion. It came to 2000 when wearing all white was a thing and it was actually quite cool to like Von Dutch and I think everyone just got a bit sick of it, like hang on, can we just hit rewind and get back to the good stuff. The last 13 years haven’t exactly been a triumph of noteworthy cult teen film classics and great bands. Its had its day, here and there, but no wonder people want to glorify a decade that from what I can remember was more about Shazzas/Pikeys, bad TV and really shit hair as opposed to doc martens, Nirvana and making heroin abuse look sexy. 

xx90sGrUnGexx

 But the other day, whilst re-watching a high contender for my favourite film ever, Heathers, I got a wave of “hang about, I know a lot of the 80’s was shit, but a lot of the 90’s was shit, and have you checked out their outfits?”. Veronica Sawyer rocks tartan like I could only ever dream of, WINONA RYDER IS WEARING WHITE TIGHTS! Do you know how fat white tights make girls legs look? She actually pulls that off. Mind blowing. And her hair, voluminous and black, I wake up most mornings hoping to some how get it to puff up like that to no avail, how does she do it? Whilst we’re at it, boys, did you see Christian Slater in that film? If I was a boy I’d want to look just like Christian Slater, James Dean hair, leather jacket, psychotic tendencies, it works and I don’t really know why. I have all of sudden got an urge to wear matching pattern outfits and get a perm. Veronica Sawyer is teaching me more about fashion than any celebrity I can think of now. Jennifer Lawrence looked insane in her Oscars dress, yes, but thats not a practical look for day to day wear. 

Blazer game is STRONG

 But Veronica doesn’t just stop at fashion, oh no, she is a pinnacle of wisdom. She goes off the rails a bit when she ‘doesn’t realise’ she’s murdering all her fellow classmates (spoiler alert), but other than that she fills the film with great one liners – I’m in a school full of diet coke heads”, “Whats your damage, Heather?”. “Lick it up baby, lick it up.” and “my teen angst has a body count”. She also shoots off her ex boyfriends middle finger after he tries to kill her and the whole school, before letting him go ahead and detonate himself whilst she lights a cigarette off the flames induced by his blow apart body. If that isn’t empowerment, I don’t know what is. 

“Veronica, you look like hell!”
“Yeah? I just got back.”

 Then I got to thinking about other great pinnacles of eighties cinema who are fantastic with wisdom and even better with clothes. Despite the whole shoving unrealistic expectations of love down everyones throats for a decade and a few more after, John Hughes pretty much nailed it when it came to loveable characters/great wardrobe double whammies. Everything Molly Ringwald ever played was partnered with nice earrings and a sassy development of character that empowers woman and SMASHES THE PATRIARCHY.  

 In the last 10 years I’ve pretty much only been inspired by Beyonce when it comes to contemporary woman who are figureheads in the media (NB there are SO MANY woman I am inspired by, but I mean exclusively celebrity culture here). Where are my Winona Ryders and Molly Ringwalds? And excuse me, where is my Christian Slaters and Emelio Estevez’ whilst we’re on that note? Naughties cinema, despite the “Michael Cera Era” has been a bit of a joke when it comes to teenage films, and even his films are a perfect example of patriarchal bullshit “nice guys finish last” society. Mean Girls aside, we’ve pretty much stared into an abyss of hollywood blockbusters that doesn’t even scrape on what generations before have provided for in terms of angst/accuracy, and if I need to remind you of atrocities of 00’s fashion, think about what the Plastics wore. Hardly chic. 

 I heard a rumour that round the corner there is great things happening in the teen film genre. I am no longer a teenager but I like to think they’re still trying to cater to me a little bit. I watched that Kat Dennings film “Daydream Nation” and loved it, partly for the Sonic Youth reference, partly for the brilliant shut down from the protagonist in regards to people who think slut shaming is okay and though I don’t seem to remember much of the outfits (I feel again they may have just been hailing from the 90’s), it did give me a little hope for the future of film for outfit nostalgia, excellent one liners and general ticking all the boxes that you get from Heathers, The Breakfast Club, 16 Candles, Pretty In Pink, Clueless, Jaw Breaker, 10 Things I Hate About You and Romy and Michelles High School Reunion (those dresses!).

All of this was inspired by a new tartan jacket I bought that even with the shoulder pads removed makes me look like a power dresser hailing from a decade before I was born, but I love it very much because it feels like I’m going to a job interview with a time machine:

 

The Next Day – David Bowie

I wrote a review about Bowie’s new album and it really is as good as I say (in my opinion…obviously) 

CHECK IT OUT HERE

http://www.bagthing.co.uk/news/view/119

Fake Vegetarianism – The Fad of 2013

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’re probably now in a state of dismay about the fact you unwillingly, at some point, have consumed horse meat. For me, this isn’t the biggest scandal at all, and as long as the meat is meat, I don’t see the problem. However it has turned the bellies of many Britons and has risen the re-birth of the fake vegetarian. 

I, as a practicing fake vegetarian, feel a bit cheated here. Up until about the age of 15 most meat terrified me, and I pretty much avoided it at most costs. Then I had my first steak and everything changed. Even though I was a little bit late down the line, I enjoyed protein at every given opportunity and that iron deficiency problem I had cleaned up pretty quickly, though I still bruise ridiculously easily. When I came to university though, that was all taken away from me pretty fast. I had the choice, either eat meat that is unethically sound but relatively cheap, or quit the animals quickly. I know I could have got stuck in with the cheap Asda offcuts but I couldn’t quite brace myself to do that, and decided not to buy it unless I had to. Which meant a really carb filled first year, and carbs are the enemy. 

Second year came about and I lived with two vegetarians amongst the carnivores, and another health-conscious individual who terrified me with stories of high saturated fat in all your favourite meals. So the switch to Quorn seemed natural. At first I thought it was gross, I remember being taught in year 9 how they make Quorn and it turned my stomach a bit, but not as much as battery farming does, so I gave it a try. It was delicious, it was cheap, it was ethical and it was healthy, and the best thing was, Sainsbury’s always had deals on. 3 for 2’s here, BOGOFs there, I was living in a happy haze of guilt free food and felt 10x better about myself as the days went on.

Then the horse meat scandal had to go and fucking ruin it. Want statistics? Look no further than this Guardian article. Gone were the wide array of offers. Gone were my personal favourites (pesto and mozzarella escalopes). I felt like I had to fight tooth and nail a couple of occasions to even get the deal on the Linda McCartney sausages, that disappeared from the shelves one week after. I didn’t want people to know my secrets, that you could eat food that tastes like meat for so much cheaper and so much healthier. It’s something vegetarians have known for years, and something carnivores have just neglected. My weekly shop went up a tenner. I was left with the less appetising offers. If you think I felt bad, can you imagine how the real vegetarians feel? My housemates are seriously ticked off, though one of them is marginally happier because her boyfriend wants to try out the alternatives as well now rather than her slaving over a lentil curry to try and find a median meal for the pair. 

Fake vegetarianism has taken over and although I whine I suppose it’s a good thing, because it’s making me think about someone other than myself (a rarity – I’m a 20 year old art student, being self involved is part of the job), and realise the positive aspects this is going to have on the community. Meat production is a massive drain on our fossil fuels, is a pioneer of animal cruelty, and a huge product of greenhouse gasses, and I’m seriously start thinking of going the whole hog and cutting out meat altogether (pun very much intended). Saying this, I live in a student town where being vegan seems to be the new vogue and the coolest hang out is a vegetarian café, so I’m not sure how much difference my input really is going to make. 

Interpret This//An Exhibition

The aftermath of the first exhibition I organised has been one of elation, and it has taken me a few days to actually be able to sit down and write a blog post about it due to lots of post exhibition ends to tie. It was an incredible success and thank you to everyone who came, the £3 left in the donation box was a mere reflection of the 100+ people who turned up over the evening (note to self, students are stingy.) A massive thank you goes to my friends and course mates who helped with everything from organisation to turning up to show support, and to all of the artist for contributing such great artwork. They always say a picture says 1000 words, though that is a bit of an issue for a writer like me, but regardless here are some photographs of the night, so those of you who couldn’t make it can have a little look! Hope those who came has a good a time as I did and hopefully I will do another soon!

Some of my best friends dropped by

First viewers come in

My talented friend Jonny Woodhead performing an acoustic set https://soundcloud.com/jwoodhead

Consume/Performativity by Charley Beddows

Video art from Ray Martin